If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
