Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
