hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
