Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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