well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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