He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
