I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
