I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
