Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
