Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
