she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
