Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
In America we eat man semen.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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