I think my fart just growled at me.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
