You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
