I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
