Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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