come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
