based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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