I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
