Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
smell my finger.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize