Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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