it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
