my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
