yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
