Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
