i was born a porn star she said
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
