Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
