girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
