JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
