I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
