So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
