ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
