My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Randomize