oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
accomplished twins. life is a go
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
