I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
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