..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
