So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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