i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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