...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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