who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
