Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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