I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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