I think my vagina is haunted
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
