Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
