sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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