One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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