Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
