3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
