Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
