just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You were trust falling into bushes
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize