At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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