Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
