dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I want to be your penis for a week.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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