I feel great
I just peed on a car
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
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