I just made out with a guy for $7.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
