I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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