How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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