why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
it's like heaven, but drunker
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
