i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
