im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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