definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
