dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
it was like eating out sand paper
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
