Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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