i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
