do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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