I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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