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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
