I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
