The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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