Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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